Part 1: Invitations, RSVP, Dress Code, & Arrival.
When attending a formal dinner, whether for business or pleasure, it’s essential to remember that etiquette begins long before you arrive at the table. From the moment you receive the invitation, expectations are set, and how you handle each detail can leave a lasting impression. In this first part of our Dinner Questions Answered series, I’ll cover some of the most common questions you might have when preparing for a dinner event. From responding to the invitation to knowing where to sit, this will guide you through each step with confidence.
Do I have to respond to an invitation?
Yes, expectations start before the event. This is your first impression.
RSVP - is French for Respondez s’il vous plaît - respond, if you please. It is perfectly polite to graciously decline the invitation, especially if you know that you absolutely cannot make it. It is better to decline (and feel no need for explanation) than keep the host guessing on the attendance number. If you accept and then something pops up, let your host know sooner than later.
What should I wear?
If you are invited to a business dinner, then business professional dress rules apply. You should always be modest, tidy, and appropriate. If you are visiting a new restaurant, looking at their tagged photos on social media should give you an idea of the vibe. It’s always a great idea to keep a fresh dress, blouse, or jacket in your office for after-hours events.
The style and formality of the invitation also send a message about the dress code. For example, if the invitation invites you to dinner on a Saturday at seven o’clock in the evening October twenty-seventh, it likely signals a formal event. On the social side, if it's a theme night, do your best to participate—even if it’s something small. Attending without any effort can send a rude message. Play along, if only a little.
As I approach the table, where do I sit?
Look for place cards. Never switch your name card to sit by a friend. Even if you’d enjoy one person more than the others, the host has the creative right to choose each guest’s seat. If there are no place cards, the host directs where guests should sit. Wait patiently behind a chair until you are directed by the host. If you attend as a married couple, don’t be surprised if your name cards are split. This gives each of you the opportunity to meet new tables mates and not talk over one another. Or the worst, arguing about the smallest details of a story.
If the meal is purely business, the best seat goes to the guest of honor.
Should a man hold a chair for a woman?
I say YES because I’m a Southern woman. You are responsible for the people sitting to your right and left, or anyone who needs it. Sliding into a chair while wearing a dress and heels can often be cumbersome. A great approach for men is to ask permission: “May I get that chair for you?” rather than demanding it. Giving the lady the opportunity to politely accept or decline. Gender aside, be courteous to those sitting close to you, and always be thoughtful when someone joins or leaves the table.
What’s the number one question I should ask myself if I don’t know what to do?
“If I were watching myself, would I be grossed out?” Avoid finger-licking, noise-making, and talking with your mouth full. If you’re unsure how to eat something, observe others, particularly the host. Always stay on the safe side and use the utensils before your fingers.
Why do table manners matter?
Knowing table manners shows respect world-wide whiling being comfortable, confident, and impressive. Instead of worrying about what to do, you can focus on enjoying the conversation and the meal. This is especially important in professional settings, where how you carry yourself at the table can reflect on your ability to represent the company.
What is the number one mistake I can make that will blow the entire opportunity?
There is only ONE, and that is being rude to the service professionals. Treating waitstaff with respect is a key indicator of your overall professionalism. If you can’t show appreciation to those serving you, it raises red flags about how you’ll treat your colleagues and clients.
As we dive deeper into the nuances of dining etiquette over this 10-part series, remember that small actions can leave the biggest impressions. Whether it’s responding to an invitation promptly or showing courtesy to others at the table, each detail contributes to how you are perceived by others. Stay tuned for Part 2: Napkins. They are your friend through the entire service.
Bye Now.
